freeze?

at girl nite the other nite, i was chatting with a school mate. she was a teenage mom and now that her kids are older, she's gone back to school for her MBA. this woman is amazing. put herself through undergrad and raised her kids at the same time. after having three kids, she's also in awesome shape! doesn't look a day over 30. her oldest daughter is 23, so i know she's not 30.

a part of me wishes that i had all the kids part done with already. i mean, i want to experience kids but at the same time i'm torn with my career aspirations. being in bus dev or VC requires a lot of travel. i'll be away a lot. will i be ok with that? however sometimes i don't even know why i'm even stressing about having kids. not like i'm anywhere close or it will be anytime soon. i'm only finished school this year and am in no hurry to start with the family. lawrence is in no hurry either. both of us are really focused on advancing out careers right now. career comes first. shouldn't it?

i'm sure the whole biological clock thing is one of the reasons that i'm thinking about this when logically i know i have other things that i need to focus on. damn that biological clock. i wonder if i should look into freezing my eggs. it sounds insane, but hey, risks start increasing above the age of 25.

i think part of this newfound concern i have comes from the fact that i know some people have been having quite a bit of trouble conceiving lately. they are a very young couple too. previously, all my friends got pregnant on the first try. so i never thought it would be that difficult.

also plenty of friends are starting to get married and i've been privy to all the wedding planning conversations. you know, i don't know how some women can get all excited about planning a wedding. i'm excited about the idea of getting married, but the whole process of planning of the cake, the food, the favors, the seating, and the hundreds of other minutia you have to think about just makes me dread the whole process. it just sounds like a whole lotta work for only one day. when in fact, i think most of the work should be in the whole marriage. not just one day. how bout i just throw a big 4th party and oh... just so happen to have someone there to have us say our vows. then tada! i'm married! :D sound good? and the kids will be dropped off by the stork so i don't have to waddle around pregnant. how convenient!

how will i know when the timing is right?

can't shake that feeling

just same random rants.

so i suggested sometime last year to coordinate other graduate schools to work with tepper to get the dif schools more integrated. so when i spoke to the prof i was going to work with last week, he said that this *other guy* already spoke to him. now this *other guy* is someone i've told my idea to last year. he stole my idea!! *rarrr* this guy is such a dweeb also. he got a VC internship only because he used to work there and they needed an engineer intern. of course i could just be projecting my own insecurities since i was so sure that i would get something over him anyday. but again, logic prevails and i know he got it over me because he used to work there and understands the technology way more than i do. he wasn't in the biotech investments. *rarr again** besides, i was a part of closing two deals this summer in my internship. can he say the same? yeah...i didn't think so. (sorry, projecting again. ending rant session now)


oh well, i suppose it's one less thing i have to plan. I'm busy with enough club events this mini. planning an east coast and a west coast trip for the biopharma club, planning various conferences and events for the VC club. I minus well just relax and enjoy my last year as a student. stick to the things i'm most passionate about and don't try to save the world. must remember not to spread myself too thin!!

i feel like i've lost my fire a little this year. much of this has to do with my mentor being away at the qatar campus. it was such abrupt news. i emailed him to do a lunch to discuss the year's events I would like to plan. I get no email for a week. then I send another email and get a short response, i'm in qatar! i'm so sorry! he used to challenge me by calling me a wuss. not literally of course. this year there is nobody to challenge me. i'm a big bad second year and i have no doubts i can easily get a good job when i'm done. have i lost my focus? maybe since so many things were unknown last year when i started, the fear of the unknown pushed me? i want to do VC, and my aim is still there. but i'm starting to hear a lot of "you don't have enough experience". so my plan is to apply for the kauffman fellows and also go for bus dev in biotech. i really really really enjoyed my internship doing bus dev this summer so i figure it's a great plan B.

so why do i feel so dissatisfied with this plan? it's a good, sensible, realistic plan.

another thing, i've been feeling guilty about not calling my friends up more while in school. so i call up one friend imparticular whom i've been worried about and she never calls me back! wtf. i dunno what's going on with her, it's like she's another person i don't recognize anymore. everything she's been saying and doing just seems so messed up lately. i totally don't get it. i know she reads this blog. i've actually been wanting to write about this for some time. i'm always torn when writing in this. i want to write what i really feel, but i know people may take it in the wrong way. anyways, i'm not going to say much about this. its just makes me so sad to watch good friendships crumble.

to all those that i haven't been calling. i'm so sorry. i think about you every day. i read your blogs. i try to im you when i see you online. i'm going to try harder this year to find more time to call.

second time is a charm

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i changed the recipe around a little this time around and the pancakes turned out great!! the trick is...be as unhealthy as possible and use a ton of butter! hahah....

that and i used baking soda instead of baking powder before. ooops.

perogies! running!!!

so my friends nathan, brian and chris were all running perogies at the pirates game. perogies are basically large potato ravioli and pittsburgh is known for having good perogies...yeah i've never tried one yet. angie, a tepper, interned with the pirates over the summer so she was able to get teppers positions as running perogies. basically every game the perogies will run in a race and i suppose people like to guess who wins. of course it's all fixed. hahah
anyways, check out the video clip. one totally falls over and two others have a slap fight. ahahahahah.



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roomies

here are my roomies! this is jeff, he's one of the older ones in the house. a MISM student and fellow wine enthusiast from cali.



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this is Jon and Joe
Jon is a MISM student from HK. Joe is a MPH student from Iowa



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NYC with amy

just wanted to share some pics

This is the dock right next to where yanni lives in jersey city. Those are my future yachts.



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this is my fav one



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video clip of the jersey shore, overlooking the manhattan skyline.



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pancakes from scratch

*mental note* stick to bisquik...

making pancakes from scratch didn't turn out like i saw it in that movie. :-p

about me

ok so it seems like this has been a trend among the blogs i read. so therefore i guess i'll join in! yes i'm such a follower.


1. First Name?
Melanie
2. Were you named after anyone?
i think my aunt's coworker picked the name. as for my chinese name, it's after some woman in a chinese poem that my dad read.
3. Favorite hobby?
eating. that's a hobby right?
4. When did you last cry?
in a club in NYC because i was drunk, pmsing and therefore emotional, missing my bf, missing my friends and family at home, and pissed off cuz some guy yelled at me for hitting him in the head by accident
5. Do you like your handwriting?
depends on what pen i use. i find i write better with fine point skinny pens than thicker pens. oh i'm also a pen freak. love to collect cool pens.
6. What is your favorite lunch meat ?
either smoked turkey or pastrami. depends on how healthy i feel like being.
7. What is your birth date?
12-10-76
8. What is your most embarrassing CD?
not sure if i really have an embarrassing CD. I'd say my most embarrassing stuff is in cassette tape form. New Kids On the Block. joey was hot!!
9. If you were another person, would YOU be friends with you?
yes I would because i plan lots of fun stuff to do with my friends.
10. Are you a daredevil?
i try to be. people think i am. but deep inside i'm not.
11. What is your favorite cartoon character?
i dunno, i haven't watch cartoons in a long time. when i was a kid i used to really like thundercats. mebbe lion-o? if i were a kid now i think i'd like to watch X-men and like any character who either has cool mind powers or can fly. if they can do both that would be great!
12. Do looks matter?
i mind if i look good or not. as for sig other, looks can be something that catches my attention, however if the personality is not there to complement the good looks, that person can start to appear ugly to me. vice versa, i can think someone is only ok lookin, but if i think the personality is hot, the person becomes hot too!
13. How do you release anger?
working out and just sweating it out with cardio and a hard core weights session. either that or venting to my close friends on the phone. sometimes both could be neccessary
14. Where is your second home?
currently. pittsburgh, PA
15. Do you trust others easily?
yes. always have and won't change even when i've been burned. guess i just don't learn. haha
16. What was your favorite toy as a child?
i always wanted a transformer (my brothers wouldn't let me play with theirs) but my parents were afraid i'd turn into a boy since i hated dolls and lived in ratty old jeans. so i guess my second favorite was my bike.
17. What class in high school do you think was totally useless?
US History AP. Everyone was so competitive because doing well in that class meant you were really smart. But it wasn't the competition i hate. i think i just hate memorizing useless facts i know i will never use ever again.
18. Do you have a journal?
yes, my blog! when i was a kid i had this little pink journal. i think i only wrote in it every few years. mostly it was about boys...or the lack of. i'm so glad i finally got a bf in college! haha.
19. Do you use sarcasm a lot?
not really. i find sarcasm can be hurtful and i can be funny in other ways. i prefer goofy humor.
20. What are your nicknames?
mel, hunny, babe, meme, melsybo, boing the tree, jiggly, mer, meranie, mel mel
21. Would you bungee jump?
most definitely
22. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off?
not if i don't have to
23. Do you think that you are strong?
physically, yes i think i'm strong for a girl. i got me some guns. haha. emotionally, i'm weak when it comes to my family and friends but i'm strong when it comes to everything else.
24. What is your favorite ice cream flavor?
oh so many to choose from. coffee ice cream with heath bar inside when i'm in a non fruity mood. blueberry and sweet cream (coldstone) when i'm in a fruity mood
25. Shoe Size?
7.5. rather small feet for my height. teddio likes to ask me "how do i teeter around on those things?" haha
26. Red or pink? red. i hate pink. i was traumatized as a child. although recently i've started liking pink to accent here and there. damn fashion trends.
27. What is your least favorite thing about yourself?
again a two part answer. physically, i hate my legs. they aren't nice and slender and i have such transparent skin, you can see my veins. mentally, i hate that i have to study so hard when others can do just as well without barely lifting a book.
28. Who do you miss most?
my hunny and my family. and my close girl friends. i just can't choose one cuz i miss them all in different ways!
29. Will everyone you send this to send it back?
prolly not, i'm not sending this
30. What color pants and shoes are you wearing?
blue work out shorts, no shoes. i'm sitting on my bed right now.
31. What are you listening to right now?
the sound of the cars driving past my duplex outside.
32. Last thing you ate?
a dinner that i cooked for me, my friends and my roomies last nite. spicy pork and tofu, steamed salmon with green onion and soy sauce, coke chicken (it doesn't taste like coke.), baby bok choy sauteed with garlic, sesame/soy sauce pickled cucumber, cucumber/spicy pepper sauteed veggies
33. If you were a color what would you be?
lavendar - soooothing
34. What is the weather like right now?
overcast. freaking pittsburgh. :-p
35. The last person you talked to on the phone?
my hunny
36. The first thing you notice about the opposite sex?
height but face is a close second.
37. Do you like the person who sent this to you?
nobody sent it. i copied from someone else's blog.
38. Favorite Drink?
depends. an ice cold glass of milk is refreshing on a hot day. i've also been known to be a boba fiend. as for alcoholic drinks, i've discovered the bellini-tini. mmmmmmmmm.....
39. Favorite Sport?
bball
40. Hair Color?
brown
41. Eye Color?
light brown
42. Do you wear contacts?
yes because i'm blind as a bat without them. i would perish if i had to survive in nature.
44. Last Movie You Watched?
Something's Gotta Give. it was surprisingly good.
45. Favorite Day of the Year?
any day where i get to see people i like or get to do something fun.
46. Scary Movies or Happy Endings?
happy endings. i'm a sappy sappy sap sap
47. Summer or winter?
both. summer means going out, having fun, bbq's, water sports, pool parties.
winter means snowboarding and cuddling
48. Hugs, nice words or a gift?
all of the above is much appreciated! but i suppose hugs would be best since nice words don't really do it for me when i'm feelin crappy. gifts don't generally work for me since people have a hard time figuring out what i like. besides, if it's just a material thing, i can just go buy it myself.
49. What Is Your Favorite Dessert?
my mom's blueberry pie. if i can't get that, heidi's pies - sour cream and blueberry. if i can't get that, creme brulee. if i can't get that, ice cream.
50. Who Is Most Likely To Respond?
didn't send this out
51. Who Is Least Likely To Respond?
ditto above
52. Living Arrangements?
living in a duplex in the pitts (pittsburgh) with 3 other male grad students.
53. What Books Are You Reading?
Negotiation and Strategy, Blink, course readers for Managing Intellectual Capital, B2B marketing, Negotiations
54. What’s On Your Mouse Pad?
i'm mousepadless. in undergrad, i had one of those clear ones. i put a pic of my family inside. at work, it was whatever free mousepad they got from dell.
55. What Did You Watch Last night on TV?
didn't watch TV last nite. tonite i'm watching 4400. although i normally don't have much time for TV.
56. Favorite Smells?
fresh laundry
57. (i'm making this one up since this questionnaire was missing 57)
if you could be an animal, what would you be?
a dragon - so i can fly, breath fire, and live forever in a world of imagination.
58. Rolling Stones or Beatles?
beatles! i wanna hold your haaaaaaand!!!! beatles remind me of my dad singing very loudly with a chinese accent while playing the guitar. hahaha...
59. Do you believe in Evolution or Creation?
evolution
60. What’s the furthest you’ve been from home?
deep in space with ender wiggins, riding on the back of Falkor right next to Atreyu in Fantasia, travelling with Belgarion to Riva. when i was a child, it was wherever my imagination took me. now it's where my pocketbook takes me. next on the list is HK.

negotiations

so i just finished a negotiations for class. i thought i totally got away with murder by negotiating a less than minimum salary. I based the salary off of commission rather than base. even if he hit his sales, he would still be below the min salary of 10K for the summer. (I had the ability to offer 10 - 15K) however there were other things that sweetened the deal. 1K moving expense and preferred location which cost me 4K. In the end i made a huge mistake since i overlooked how important which division meant. I got the second best division. I was just so excited I got him at below the min salary. However, since i overlooked the cost of the division, that meant i lost 2K.

In the end, the class lesson was that you have to look at the deal as a whole and work out what is best for both parties. It turned out he wanted to compare overall value. meaning that the most value for the company AND the most value for the employee. that meant that agreeing at a median salary and a median location was ideal. I was making 6 times more money than my opponent, so i didn't do so bad. but if i had caught the division thing then i woulda made an extra 3K. darn it!!!

that shows me to be so greedy. :-p i'm still kicking myself for totally forgetting to factor in my costs for location and division. I thought that we were going to be graded on negotiated salary. pooop.

what made it worse was that i kinda talked up how my opponent made some big negotiations mistakes. i shoulda kept my mouth shut!

i really like this class. i'm learning a lot!

meetings meetings meetings

i'm in yet another meeting......ug......

no sleep for me

back to school....5 hours sleep is the average. i'm surprised that it's such the norm for me now. i hope it won't make me age faster....gotta get more beauty sleep. :-p

i love you...

*rain drops are falling outside, making tinny sounds as they hit the car rooftop. they are sitting inside the car and he says...*

"I love you. And not, not in a friendly way, although I think we're great friends. And not in a misplaced affection, puppy-dog way, although I'm sure that's what you'll call it. I love you. Very, very simple, very truly. You are the epitome of everything I have ever looked for in another human being. And I know that you think of me as just a friend, and crossing that line is the furthest thing from an option you would ever consider. But I had to say it. I just, I can't take this anymore. I can't stand next to you without wanting to hold you. I can't, I can't look into your eyes without feeling that, that longing you only read about in trashy romance novels. I can't talk to you without wanting to express my love for everything you are. And I know this will probably queer our friendship - no pun intended - but I had to say it, because I've never felt this way before, and I don't care. I like who I am because of it. And if bringing this to light means we can't hang out anymore, then that hurts me. But God, I just, I couldn't allow another day to go by without just getting it out there, regardless of the outcome, which by the look on your face is to be the inevitable shoot-down. And, you know, I'll accept that. But I know... I know that some part of you is hesitating for a moment, and if there is a moment of hesitation, then that means you feel something too. All I ask, please, is that you just, you just not dismiss that - and try to dwell in it for just ten seconds. Alyssa, there isn't another soul on this fucking planet who has ever made me half the person I am when I'm with you, and I would risk this friendship for the chance to take it to the next plateau. Because it is there between you and me. You can't deny that. Even if, you know, even if we never talk again after tonight, please know that I'm forever changed because of who you are and what you've meant to me, which - while I do appreciate it - I'd never need a painting of birds bought at a diner to remind me of." CHASING AMY, 1997

red room

yesterday me and the roomies threw a potluck party. ever hear of beer pong? apparently that's what people do in college and apparently since i've never heard of it, i didn't go to college. hahah. eh...i don't like beer anyways. i can live without ever playing beer pong. it's kinda gross actually. the ping pong ball they use rolls all over the floor, and they rinse it in the same water cup over and over until the water is all dirty. ewwwwwwwwwww.....

at about 9 , the MBA's moved on to a brat pack party at the red room. i looooooooved it. all the boys were dressed up, some even in tuxes to more resemble the real brat pack. ( sinatra and friends). all the classmates were looking so nice all dressed up. great appetizers (coconut shrimp, sushi, brownies made from scratch) too bad i was too full from the potluck. but i did take advantage of the great wine selection they had at the red room. i've also found another fav martini. the bellini-tini. guess what, it has real blueberries on the bottom. hahahaha. it's yum! i forget all the ingredients but i know it did have absolut currant in it. mmmmmmm..... needless to say i was a little tipsy last nite. don't worry auntie pauline, i never drive when drinking and we normally don't go anywhere further than 15 min on local roads.

now it's back to working on my stupid operations plan. this darn management game class is such a thorn in my side. 6 hour meetings and constant analysis. soooo annoying. we did labor negotiations the other day. after almost a whole day of making models, we didn't use any of it. my team has GOT to realize, you don't need a model to justify everything! argh!!!

and so now i have two laptops open so i can work on the operations plan. one for the game spreadsheets and one for writing. my crappy craptop HP presario is coming in handy since the macros don't work as well on my mac. cmon now apple! how could you fail me like this? don't worry apple, i still love you and i still want that ipod nano! 4G's please.

iPod Nano!!!!

OMG!!!!!! DROOOOOOOLLLLLL!!!!!!

CLICK HERE TO SEE THE COOLEST THING EVER!

jusspress!

my bro got funding and is quitting his job! congrats ry!

long weekend

so i had a nice long mini vacation this weekend. didn't go out thursday nite cuz we were working on management game from 3:30 until 12:30AM. :-P friday i went to beers at school. took one of the roomies and some of his friends with me. they seemed to enjoy themselves since they really liked the free food and beer. friday nite we hung out at shady grove. yanni's gf Ling was visiting so it was nice to hang with her also. Ling and i actually motivated ourselves to wake up early sat morning to go to a spinning class. then later on, we had a big bbq with all the roomies, yanni, Ling and brian. i'm loving the new roomies. all of them are so considerate and CLEAN! the front lawn is nice and mowed. the fridge isn't packed and cluttered. there are no dirty dishes in the sink. i love it! we were going to go out sat nite but after all the wine, just didn't feel up for it. we watched movies a while and then people dispersed. we thought we would save the partying until sunday nite but it turned out that nobody really felt like doing anything but hang around. i could have hung out with some people who were watching a movie. some other people wanted to go clubbing. dunno, just didn't feel like hanging out with them. the movie people were drinking beer, blech. the clubbing people i didn't feel so comfortable with since i always get funny vibes from one of the guys in that group...even though he supposedly has a gf. and how he got that gf? that's beyond me. so i ended up just staying home, downloading music, doing some reading and talking to hunny on the phone. it was actually sorta nice to have so much time to myself. especially with all the group meetings we have to do with school, i'm never alone. monday was just more studying. cooked dinner with the roomies which was nice. nothing fancy, just took the rest of the spicy italian sausage and cooked it up with diced tomatoes and onions. add some seasonings and olive oil. not bad if i do say so myself.

so now it's back to classes. our game inputs didn't turn out to be so good. that means another long meeting tomorrow. bleh. meetings meetings meetings .....they must be training us for being an executive. haahha

sunlight

listening to happy euro trance makes me happy too!

sunlight - DJ Sammy

Sunlight
I'm drifting away somehow
by the presense of the morning sun
I'm falling into the night
as I can see you shining bright

Sunlight

I'm drifting away somehow
by the presense of the morning sun
I'm falling into the night
as I can see you shining bright

[2x]

Sunlight
Sunlight

I'm drifting away somehow
by the presense of the morning sun
I'm falling into the night
as I can see you shining bright

Sunlight
there's nothing like your warm embrace
it feels so right
shining on your sculptured face

Sunlight

Sunlight
there's nothing like your warm embrace
it feels so right
shining on your sculptured face

Sunlight
Sunlight
Sunlight

mrs. muse

i just found out that my middle school language teacher, mrs muse, just passed away. literally 12 hours after teaching a class. she was still teaching after all these years. i remember her coffee breath. we used to make fun of her and called her halitosis. but thinking back, she was always happy to explain things to us. any question you had, she'd be right there by your side. to think, she has been teaching all these years until she passed away...she must have really loved teaching.

i always think fondly about the teachers at st andrews. even though i never really felt i like i fit in with the other students in my class, never really felt like i had really close friends there...i think my friends there were the teachers. i think they knew that i was shy, and that i didn't like to talk to new people much. so they tried their best to make me feel more at home. before st andrews i wasn't a very good student. my parents decided to move me there after i got a D in 6th grade. it wasn't because i couldn't study. i just wasn't very motivated to study. i still remember winning all those awards when i graduated eighth grade. even through some of them were not great awards (meaning not that challenging to get) music award, physical education award. i did get some good ones...math award. that was the first time i'd ever won any awards for school. it felt good.

now i'm finishing up grad school. just 8 months left. and i'm really thankful for all the teachers that have inspired me over the years.

rest in peace mrs. muse.

sunny days, back again!

yay!!! so it's labor day weekend. no i don't get to travel anywhere. but it's soooo nice out! no more rain! sunny every day! me and the roomies are gonna throw a bbq tomorrow. we're also gonna get a buncha people to go out clubbin. yay!

i've discovered a way to download songs without those silly corrupted songs. yay! me so happy. i downloaded a whole bunch of stuff. hehehe. shhhh don't tell.