can't shake that feeling

just same random rants.

so i suggested sometime last year to coordinate other graduate schools to work with tepper to get the dif schools more integrated. so when i spoke to the prof i was going to work with last week, he said that this *other guy* already spoke to him. now this *other guy* is someone i've told my idea to last year. he stole my idea!! *rarrr* this guy is such a dweeb also. he got a VC internship only because he used to work there and they needed an engineer intern. of course i could just be projecting my own insecurities since i was so sure that i would get something over him anyday. but again, logic prevails and i know he got it over me because he used to work there and understands the technology way more than i do. he wasn't in the biotech investments. *rarr again** besides, i was a part of closing two deals this summer in my internship. can he say the same? yeah...i didn't think so. (sorry, projecting again. ending rant session now)


oh well, i suppose it's one less thing i have to plan. I'm busy with enough club events this mini. planning an east coast and a west coast trip for the biopharma club, planning various conferences and events for the VC club. I minus well just relax and enjoy my last year as a student. stick to the things i'm most passionate about and don't try to save the world. must remember not to spread myself too thin!!

i feel like i've lost my fire a little this year. much of this has to do with my mentor being away at the qatar campus. it was such abrupt news. i emailed him to do a lunch to discuss the year's events I would like to plan. I get no email for a week. then I send another email and get a short response, i'm in qatar! i'm so sorry! he used to challenge me by calling me a wuss. not literally of course. this year there is nobody to challenge me. i'm a big bad second year and i have no doubts i can easily get a good job when i'm done. have i lost my focus? maybe since so many things were unknown last year when i started, the fear of the unknown pushed me? i want to do VC, and my aim is still there. but i'm starting to hear a lot of "you don't have enough experience". so my plan is to apply for the kauffman fellows and also go for bus dev in biotech. i really really really enjoyed my internship doing bus dev this summer so i figure it's a great plan B.

so why do i feel so dissatisfied with this plan? it's a good, sensible, realistic plan.

another thing, i've been feeling guilty about not calling my friends up more while in school. so i call up one friend imparticular whom i've been worried about and she never calls me back! wtf. i dunno what's going on with her, it's like she's another person i don't recognize anymore. everything she's been saying and doing just seems so messed up lately. i totally don't get it. i know she reads this blog. i've actually been wanting to write about this for some time. i'm always torn when writing in this. i want to write what i really feel, but i know people may take it in the wrong way. anyways, i'm not going to say much about this. its just makes me so sad to watch good friendships crumble.

to all those that i haven't been calling. i'm so sorry. i think about you every day. i read your blogs. i try to im you when i see you online. i'm going to try harder this year to find more time to call.