freeze?

at girl nite the other nite, i was chatting with a school mate. she was a teenage mom and now that her kids are older, she's gone back to school for her MBA. this woman is amazing. put herself through undergrad and raised her kids at the same time. after having three kids, she's also in awesome shape! doesn't look a day over 30. her oldest daughter is 23, so i know she's not 30.

a part of me wishes that i had all the kids part done with already. i mean, i want to experience kids but at the same time i'm torn with my career aspirations. being in bus dev or VC requires a lot of travel. i'll be away a lot. will i be ok with that? however sometimes i don't even know why i'm even stressing about having kids. not like i'm anywhere close or it will be anytime soon. i'm only finished school this year and am in no hurry to start with the family. lawrence is in no hurry either. both of us are really focused on advancing out careers right now. career comes first. shouldn't it?

i'm sure the whole biological clock thing is one of the reasons that i'm thinking about this when logically i know i have other things that i need to focus on. damn that biological clock. i wonder if i should look into freezing my eggs. it sounds insane, but hey, risks start increasing above the age of 25.

i think part of this newfound concern i have comes from the fact that i know some people have been having quite a bit of trouble conceiving lately. they are a very young couple too. previously, all my friends got pregnant on the first try. so i never thought it would be that difficult.

also plenty of friends are starting to get married and i've been privy to all the wedding planning conversations. you know, i don't know how some women can get all excited about planning a wedding. i'm excited about the idea of getting married, but the whole process of planning of the cake, the food, the favors, the seating, and the hundreds of other minutia you have to think about just makes me dread the whole process. it just sounds like a whole lotta work for only one day. when in fact, i think most of the work should be in the whole marriage. not just one day. how bout i just throw a big 4th party and oh... just so happen to have someone there to have us say our vows. then tada! i'm married! :D sound good? and the kids will be dropped off by the stork so i don't have to waddle around pregnant. how convenient!

how will i know when the timing is right?