bdays and baby showers

hunny's friend sandi just turned 30 so we went out to dinner at claim jumpers and also went out for 80's dancing. i decided to have the ribeye and st francis cab. everyone else at our table got the ore cart - which was good but i don't tend to eat ribs in public. my small mouth and large cheeks = bbq sauce all over my face. however the ribeye was pretty good so i didn't regret my choice.

saturday nite we went to mezzanine for 80's music. man, everyone is getting chill in L's group these days. L was yawning a million times after we got there at 10. we were home by 12:30. i think most of the group just wasn't into the music. it was more from the new wave genre. which i totally love. depeche, blondie, anything box, new order, etc. i was never as into the more popular stuff.

i wonder why? a lot of the new wave music is introspective and dark. was i introspective and dark as a kid? introspective yes, dark maybe but i don't really remember. i know i had a lot of regrets for not being more social. obviously that has totally changed now. i can't say that i was an unhappy kid, nor was i the happiest either. i think i spent a lot of time daydreaming of what things would be like if i were different. more popular, prettier, smarter, more social, etc. so perhaps i was just waiting to come out of my shell to better experience life. i'm really glad i came out of my shell.

i went to karin's baby shower this weekend. perhaps i'm being overly sensitive but all hunny's friends have babies and are married or engaged and therefore they all ask us when it's our turn. so i know people are waiting for us. it both bothers me and makes me anxious that people keep expecting us to be engaged at any second. i've never liked to be pressured and i don't want to spend my time being anxious - wondering when he'll propose. i'd rather it be a pleasant surprise. so everyone - stop asking me because it's making me feel like i should be thinking about it more than i am, and it's making me uneasy - like i'm unprepared! if anything i try not to think about it because i don't want it to turn into something i worry about. if you really know me, i'm a worry wart and worry about everything. so if you want to ask someone, you can ask him. and don't tell me about it, because i want to be surprised!