stream of consciousness

went to LA for the week. have kind of a mix of emotions. good and bad. happy and sad. mostly happy. it was great to see all the LA peeps again. especially my girls...so much to chat about and catch up on. felt extremely happy to see that S is doing so much better these days. to see a smile on her face just really made me happy deep down inside because she's gone through so much. why do i have a mix of emotions? i'm frustrated. i went to LA not only to visit people but also to help a friend. and i feel like i didn't help at all. i know that it's not my fault. people need to help themselves when it comes to these issues. but i can't shake the feeling. feeling unsettled. feeling ineffective. feeling bad for thinking the thoughts i think. i know part of my feeling of frustration is due to some unhappiness i've been feeling in my own life. some things i've been trying to work on. sometimes i'm just a better listener than i am a talker. i don't tend to talk about my personal problems much. even though i tend to listen to other people's issues a whole lot. it was made obvious when S had to say to me..."so tell me about you! i haven't heard anything about your life!" the same issue i always have has come back to rear it's ugly head. i'm tired...a large part of me just wants to do what i want and not work to solve issues. take the easy way out. but i know i can't do that. please give me the strength to change the things i can, and the wisdom to see the things i can't.